Hello, everyone! Since it's been a few days since Petrichor's been out, I wanted to make a postmortem about it!

(WARNING: It's LONG) 

So, first of all, I want to thank everyone who has played this game, everyone who left a kind comment or reached out to me about the game, everyone who gave it a good rating, everyone who made a playthrough with commentary, everyone who donated to this game and everyone who helped me with this game!! 

Seriously, thank you guys SO much, it means the world to me seeing that this game received so much love and support from you all 🥹💖💘

This is a story that I've wanted to tell for a long time. Not in the sense of "I've had this story thought up since forever", but in the sense of "I want to tell a story about a woman in my age range coming out to her partner as ace". The reason I hesitated so much until now is... because this is essentially my fantasy. As an ace person—gray ace, but I digress—myself who is also demi-biromantic, I WANT to have a romantic relationship with someone who loves and accepts me for who I am. Someone who trusts me, respects me and is patient with me just as much as I am with them.

Pommy is, most probably, the character I created who I relate to the most. She's even similar to me physically, but she's especially similar on an emotional level. She's someone who's lonely, who gets anxious in certain situations, who longs for a romantic relationship and affection... and who wants to be understood. The reason why I made this game for the 'Cringe Culture is Dead' Jam is precisely because of this. Because some people sometimes see it as "cringe" when a writer/artist/creator makes a character who resembles themselves a lot—especially if that character happens to have a romantic relationship. And, well, I'm not gonna lie, when someone says that what you make is "cringe" it hurts. It hurts a lot. And, most of the time, the "cringe" part comes from characters being cute, affectionate and loving to each other. But I didn't want those opinions to stop me. After all... I mainly made this game for myself. For myself, for my past self who was still figuring out her sexuality and for all those aces out there who feel a similar way to me.

While the story itself isn't something I've had for a long time, Pommy and Paris ARE characters I've had for a long while. They're actually from an old comic I used to draw once upon a time called "The Demon Lord is My Roommate". Their names were also different: Pommeline (pronounced POM-LEEN) was called Poppy, while Paris was called Orion. 'Orion' didn't even get to make an appearance in the comic, unfortunately, since I cancelled it before that happened. 'Poppy' on the other hand, was there from the very first chapter. It was a comic where a demon from another world ended up trapped on earth and started living with Poppy! 

Here are some of the old drawings I made around that time:

As you can see, I "recycled" Poppy's and Orion's designs and turned them into Pommeline (Pommy) and Paris with Mustache's help (who, btw is an AMAZING artist and you should totally commission her if you can). Sometimes I do that with some of my characters because I love them a lot and want to see them again. It's the case for Parker and Rue (from my upcoming game Potion Pleasing) as well—in fact, I've had Parker and Rue for even longer; but also with different names and appearances. 

I'm super happy with the result of this game 'cause it not only let me meet my old characters again through Mustache's beautiful art, but it also let me have a great moment of catharsis through my writing. Sexual and romantic orientations are so complex that I wanted to make sure to do this story justice and in a way that felt natural and not "dictionary-like". 

I wanted to express so many things... especially the fact that Pommy is touchy-feely and affectionate with those she loves and STILL ace. While I know that there are many aces who are touch-averse, that was never the case with me, and I wanted to create a story that reflected that. I also wanted to express how being ace and in a relationship with an allosexual partner doesn't mean that the ONLY way it can work is if they enter a polyamorous relationship. People are all different, and just because something doesn't work for someone doesn't mean it won't work for others. 

Romantic attraction was also something I wanted to tackle in this game, as short as it is. As Paris mentions when he opens up about his past relationship, his ex was aromantic but they weren't asexual. They were, however, romantic-repulsed and, in their particular case, repulsed to physical affection outside of sex (since they interpreted that as romantic). This isn't the case for ALL people in the aromantic spectrum. Some aros like physical affection just fine, so it really depends on the person, which is why it's so important to never judge someone by their orientation and, really, just ask what they're comfortable with.

In the case of Pommy, she doesn't really understand sexual attraction so she's more of a gray ace, even if she's asexual 85% of the time. When it comes to Paris, he's bisexual and, while he does enjoy sex, he doesn't have a super high libido and, as he mentions in the story, what gets him invested in a relationship is the emotional and romantic parts as well as physical affection; things that Pommy is very much looking for herself, which is why they're so compatible ❤️

Another thing I wanted to mention in regards to asexuality—since it might not have been clear in the game itself or it could be confusing for some—is that sexual attraction is NOT the same as physical or sensual attraction. I know how some might think that, when Pommy tells Paris that she's not attracted to Paris sexually, this could mean that she's not attracted to him physically. However this is NOT the case. Pommy is VERY MUCH attracted to Paris physically and sensually. She loves hugging him, kissing him, holding hands and finds him SUPER handsome and "hot". 

However, this "hotness" isn't in the sense of "oh, she wants to have sex with Paris!!" and neither is it "he's like a beautiful painting that she only wants to watch". I've seen both of these things mentioned throughout my life when it comes to physical/aesthetic attraction and I've always wanted to express my own feelings on the matter, so here goes:

Pommy, as well as me, ARE attracted to certain people in an aesthetic way and (in some cases) also a sensual way. As ace people, this doesn't mean that we want to have sex with the person who we find attractive, but neither does it mean that we just want to appreciate them as a painting. While it definitely happens to me that I sometimes DO find people beautiful and appreciate their beauty in a "painting-sense", when I'm attracted to someone's appearance in a way that I find them "hot" this means that looking at them makes me giddy, gives me butterflies and I can imagine myself being hugged or kissed by them, but that's to the extent it goes. I don't really imagine myself being in a sexual situation with them. Not because I "find it repulsive" (I'm not sex-repulsed, not to mention there's NSFW stories that I enjoy too; that doesn't make me any less asexual), it's because being ace is the way I am. Just like how a straight man looks at another man and doesn't feel sexual attraction, I look at people from any gender and don't really feel that either. 

And this brings me to the last part of this postmortem! Why do I feel uncomfortable when others talk/ask questions or want to make content about my characters that is very sexual when I myself sometimes consume some media that's NSFW (comics, games, etc)? The reason is very simple: sexual content is very private and personal to me. Many of the characters I make come from a part of myself, people I know, or a fantasy person I imagine, so it just feels very uncomfortable to me when that becomes sexual for others. Maybe it's weird, I dunno, but it's just the way I feel.

Will sex ever be a part of my private life outside of enjoying certain stories that have it? I don't know. Maybe it will, maybe it won't. But I DO know that, whatever is my choice, it's going to be valid. Because being ace doesn't mean you're broken.

Thank you so much for reading until the end!! ❤️